Truth was, I knew I needed to get down and dirty and I kind of knew I couldn’t do it on my own. Not because I am incapable, but due to the fact there are some things innate to me and other things, not so much. Writing, cooking, being opinionated, sassy, perhaps bossing people around… “Those things” are a given for me. Everyone in my circle is aware of my "ways.". But, working out, remaining disciplined and controlled, losing weight I have never carried before… (even when all three children were delivered I had not been this heavy.) No, I am afraid it was time to call in the big guns. My cute little size 3 with the perfect 32C’s had gradually turned to a size 8-10 with 34DDD. Yes, that’s right … Up 7 dress and jean sizes lugging around heavy, can’t hide them, obnoxious boobs.
THIS IS NOT MY BODY AND THIS IS NOT “ME” IN MY MIND.
I no longer look in the mirror to see if I look nice or what accessory compliments my outfit. I now look to make sure my breasts aren’t hanging out obscenely at a business meeting and I don’t have rolls of flab sticking out like a sore thumb. I’ll admit it. I feel unattractive and my energy level has plummeted. I know what they say, “Love yourself the way you are.” I say, “What’s to love about being lazy and allowing myself to get this far away from who I am?” I don’t normally admit this, but fact is, I have been depressed for about three years. Between my emotions, menopause lurking at every corner, starting a business in a new state and sitting behind a computer all day and night for work, I have let myself go. I'm not me and I do not know who this foreign person is staring at me in the mirror.
Truth be known, with my 50th coming up, I promised myself I would look the best I ever have. The other truth is, I look the worst I ever have. Age is not being so kind at the moment, or perhaps I have not been so kind to myself. People do not consider me “heavy” or “fat” grant you, but I feel this is due to societies acceptance of most people being out of shape. Three years ago, I was in the minority. I was the 33% of Americans that were not carrying extra weight. Now I've joined the “in crowd,”
….. but, I WANT OUT.
So, I made a challenge with a friend. I told her, “I did something for you, now you do something for me. Get your trainer to work his magic on me. Promise him I will be dedicated and devoted to this life altering mind-set and let’s get me where I need to be because mentally, emotionally, and physically, I can’t take the new me, anymore. I don’t care about loving myself today. Today I am lazy. I don’t want to allow excuses to stand in my way any longer. I want ME back, and better than ever! I want a "me" I can love tomorrow.”
She text me and said he would be happy to accept the challenge! So, off I went to purchase good walking/running shoes and started prepping my mind for the one thing I truly do not enjoy.